I’m just like you. I want to make people happy. I am always sincere, gentle and sweet to everyone. I try my best to do everything that pleases them.On the other hand, I also want to be loved back. I need to belong. I desire to feel safe and secure. I want to be approved by the society. I want everyone to be in perfect harmony with each other.
But often, feelings of pain, rejection and shame get the best of me. I may be acting cheerful all the time, but they are clueless of what’s really going on inside of me. I always carry the unfathomable , heavy burden inside my heart. I don’t know where it comes from. Sometimes, I would just stay quiet, trying to figure out what’s really going on. Oh, everything seems to be alright. But still, I sense something that is inevitably wrong.
Later on, I found out that what I am experiencing is just a part of becoming a vulnerable person. I am oversensitive and idealistic. I think that everyone has good intentions and everyone is kind. But when you get more and more exposed, you will encounter selfish, judgmental, fake and ruthless people outside.You will realize that people don’t really care at all and some will even laugh at your sincerity- or to put it more accurately– naivety.
You will realize that different people pursue different things, and life is not just about love. Many people are so busy struggling to survive in this world. You will become aware of what grown-ups really do, and it will make you feel scared, nostalgic and discouraged. What do grown-ups do? They grow up– and forget that once upon a time, they were also little (did I get this quote somewhere?). Now, you discovered that the world that you imagined isn’t the world where you’re in.
I wonder how God looks at each and every one of us, and how He grieves for the things that we do and for the persons that we have already become.
You will fall a lot of times. You don’t want to rise up but it’s the only thing left to do. Keep pushing; keep going. And after a while, you will realize that you have gone very far from where you started. What an achievement!
Time quickly passes by. You will make mistakes and you will regret about them over a long period of time.
And NO, he will not break your heart–you will break your heart. But as time passes by, time also heals everything.
You will be confused. You will try to figure out what to do with your life. You will ask these questions: what’s my purpose? What’s the meaning of life? Why am I here? and all the other why’s and how’s. But remember that when you can’t get all the answers to these questions, life still goes on.
You will compare yourself with other people. You will become insecure. You will not be contented. You will be bitter. You will want more. But give it a time- yes, I said it again, time is the keyword here- take your time and you will be able to see yourself being authentically molded by God out of those personal struggles and agonies. And you will shine. His light will shine upon you.
Meanwhile, there will come a time when you think you know much better, after all the things you’ve been through. You will attempt to make decisions, but you will fail over and over again.
And this is the most important lesson of all: feelings lie.
There are beautiful and ugly feelings, and both can become lies. But I still want to trust all the beautiful feelings that I could feel, while trying to ignore and to resist all the ugly feelings that my heart would unconsciously held captive.
What about falling in love? I’ll be straight to the point, do not always listen to the exaggerations of your heart. Just stick to your dreams, ambitions and responsibilities first. The right time will come for sure. Learn to control yourself . Don’t always follow the crowd. I am telling you, be wise (Am I becoming your strict mother already?*winks).
Still, enjoy being vulnerable. That’s God’s purpose for you. He wants you to intercede for these people. He wants you to pray, not just for yourself, but for others too.
Lastly, always come back to Him whenever you are tired and weary of life. He is our Rock and our Peace. He is loving and faithful. And He understands. We are right in the palm of His hands.
From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed:lead me to the rock that is higher than I.Psalm 61:2 (KJV) He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds. Psalm 147:3 (KJV)